*$100 per view

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers.
"Hi, is Tony home?"
"No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
"No come in." They sit down and the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Sara thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on the table then says he can't wait any longer for Tony and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know, your weird friend Chris came over." Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well, did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

*14 inches

A big Texan ambles into a Dallas men's room and does a double-take at the little guy standing at the next urinal. He's holding his "snake" with two hands and smiling.
The Texan asks "How long is that snake fella?"
"14 inches."
"Is that 14 inches soft?"
"Yes."
"Well how long is it when it's hard?"
The little guy answers proudly, "I don't know - it takes so much blood, I faint!"

*68?

A very tired husband came home from the office after a long grueling day to find his wife in her sexiest nightgown waiting for him at the door with a couple of glasses of wine in hand.
She took his briefcase from him and led him over to the couch where she proceeded to help make him "more comfortable."
"How should we do it tonight, honey?" she cooed in his ear, "Shall we do 69?"
"I don't think so dear. I'm pretty tired. How about 68?" he said.
"Huh, 68? What's 68?" she asked, a little puzzled.
"You do me, and I'll owe you one."

*a Barbie from Santa

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, 'What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas'?
The little girl replies, 'I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe'.
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, 'I thought Barbie comes with Ken'.
'No', said the little girl. 'She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.'

*A bit too cozy

A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my shoes please?"
The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says: "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me up here to make love to you!"
They stare at him and say, "That can't be!"
He replies, "OK, let's check!"
He shouts down the stairs to his friend, "Both of them?"
The reply comes back, "Yes, both of them!"

*A Day At The Bank

One day a young just married couple were driving in their audi TT. Their names were Harder (male) and Fuck Me (female).
Harder and Fuck me needed some cash, so they stopped at a local bank. Harder
ran in to the ATM while Fuck Me waited in the car.
A strange man with an obvious giant boner walks up to the window and says "Hi, whats your name?" and she answers "Fuck Me". So he says "Ok" and gets in the car and screws her.
She starts screaming "Harder Harder Harder!!!" And then he says "Lady I can't fuck that hard!"

*A definite problem

One day a young man about the age of 25 was walking along the sidewalk in the park. Then all of a sudden he looks up form hearing the sound of an old man sobbing.
"What's wrong?" said the young man.
"Well it's nothing really." said the old man.
"It has to be something. Tell me about it" said the you man.
Well, everyday after I wake up in the morning, me and my wife have wild sex. Then I leave for work" the old man said.
"That's not bad" the young man said.
"Well, when I get home from work, my wife has already finished making lunch for me and her. Then after lunch we have more wild sex." the old man said.
"That's not bad at all. There's no reason why you should be sobbing." said the young man.
"When we finish making love, I go back to work at my second job. Then i come home and by that time, my wife is finished making supper. Then we eat and have wild sex again through out the night." the old man said.
"If you are having sex all day, then why so glum?" the young man said.
Then the old man finally says why he is so glum, "I forgot where I live!"

*A friendly beer

A guy went into a bar, sat down at the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender handed him a draft beer and left it in front of the guy. The bartender then returned to the other end of the bar.
The guy drank half the beer and poured the other half on his left hand. The bartender saw this and just shook his head. The guy asked for another beer. The bartender handed him another and resisted the temptation to ask the guy what he was doing. Once again, the guy drank half the beer and poured the other half on his left hand.
The bartender has seen a lot of strange behavior from drunk people, but this guy was sober! The guy asked for another beer. The bartender handed him another and found that he couldn't resist asking, 'Buddy, I can't help noticing what you're doing. What's going on?' The guy looked at him and said, 'What does look like? My date and I are having a drink!'

*A gay joke

Two gay guys, Larry and Casey, lived together.
One day, it was really hot and Larry came home and found Casey with his ass in the freezer.
Larry exclaimed,"Casey, what the hell are you doing with your ass in the freezer?!?"
Casey replied, "It's so hot outside that I thought you would like something cool to slip into."

*A limited arousal

A man is having problems with his penis, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, ''Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your penis is burned out. You only have 30 erections left in your penis.''
The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the doctor told him. She says, ''Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that. We should make a list!'' He replies, ''Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it.''

*A little insurance

A son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. The father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.
While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks, ''Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?''
The father replies, ''I don't want them screwing your mother after I'm gone!

*A night out with Dave

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey Dave, how ya doin?'
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Dave. 'He's on my bowling team.'
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, 'You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser.'
'No honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them.'
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. 'Hi Davey,' she says, 'Want your usual table dance?'
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head and says, 'Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.'