*$100 Tattoo (in a painful area)

A man walks into a tattoo parlour, and asks the tattoo artist to tattoo a picture of a hundred dollar bill on his penis. The tattoo artist, being a sensitive man, refuses, telling the man that it would be too painful to do that.
The man insists on having it done, so the tattoo artist tells him that if he can come up with three good reasons to have it done, he would do it.
The man tells him, " One, I like to play with my money. Two, I like to watch my money grow. And three, my wife will blow a hundred bucks everyday!"

*Another Bar Bet

This guy walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a huge mug of beer and downs it all in about two min. He calls the bartender over and says, " I'll bet you $100 that if I out this mug across the room and then stood on the bar, I could pee in it without missing a drop."
The bartender thinks for a moment then replies, "For $100, you're on."
The man proceeds to set the mug on the other side of the room, he then stands on the bar and prepares to pee into the mug. Instead of peeing into the mug, the man pees everywhere hitting people, drinks, chairs, everything BUT the mug. He gets down off the bar, laughs, and gives a $100 bill to the smiling bartender.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asks.
"See that guy over there?" asks the man, "I bet him $1000 that I could piss all over your bar and have you smile about it.

*Careful control

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more. 'And just how would I go about doing that?' he asked.
'It is very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate.'
So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold the plates were full of 20 dollar bills. Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again.
Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud and springs and parts flew everywhere. 'Crap!' exclaimed the pastor. It took them a week to clean up the church.

*Confusing a blonde

Q)How do you confuse a blonde?
A)Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in a corner.
Q)How does the blonde confuse you?
A)She tells you she did pee in a corner.

*Her secret

This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desires rise to a fever pitch.
He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I'm busting to have a piss".
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why don't you go behind these bushes".
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!".
"No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."